Already?

I have EWCM already. I am only on CD 10. I hope this means that I will be ovulating at an early/"normal" timeframe! In the past, I've usually O'd around CD20-22 but sometimes even later, in the mid 30's. So, to possibly O this early in my cycle is awesome. Guess I'm glad we started having sex a couple days ago. I thought about waiting a few days because I didn't really think there was a chance I could O so closely after AF stopped. We shall see what happens.

In other news... no adverse side effects as of yet. A couple headaches that were manageable but definitely noticeable. I felt a little "sensitive" today with my emotions but that could be anything. Again, nothing major. So that's good (knock on wood).

[BTW, I'm documenting all this stuff for my own self so I can remember and communicate any details necessary with my doctor should future clomid cycles be needed.]

My chart looks wonky right now. I've never had 3 morning temperatures be the same. Strange! I tested my thermometer and it's not broken, so there's really nothing to worry about. It's just odd to look at. Hopefully tomorrow my temp will do something different. Because I'm weird like that. :-P

Last Pill... yipee! Bring on the crazies.

So I've heard I may get some pretty ridonkulous mood swings here shortly. That should be interesting. :) I'm hoping I'm one of the lucky ones who isn't affected like that, lol. I did get a really monster headache last night and I think it could have been from the meds, but I guess I can't be totally sure on that. We'll see if it's a pattern... I hope not.

I'm glad to be done with the last dose because I have been seriously paranoid of forgetting one. I have taken them in the mornings and my mornings are usually pretty busy getting ready for work, making breakfast, taking care of the dogs and whatnot. I don't know how much time variance plays a role in its effectiveness but I was really worried I'd forget in the AM and have to take it when I got home from work. Luckily it never happened.

I hate that I have NO idea when I'll ovulate. Usually, I have a lot of EWCM which helps me to know O is coming. But with Clomid, it can actually dry you up. So, I can't bank on the EWCM signal at this point. I also can't base it on my last few charts which had me O'ing on or around CD20. I'm hoping it helps me O sooner, which would help me feel more confident that I didn't release an "old egg" that may have issues in and of itself. But I don't know if it'll help me O sooner. So again, just lots of "I don't knows."

I got the OPKs in the mail so I will begin using those. In the past, I've used them and haven't gotten a positive, even when my temps show I've clearly ovulated. So, I either missed the LH surge or it wasn't strong enough to be present in my urine. I don't feel really confident in OPKs, but I do hope they give me a positive so I can feel good about our timing before O actually happens. :)

In the meantime, we're having sex every other day. Maybe we'll have it everyday, I guess it just depends on the mood. ;-) I figure that's pretty safe.

Nothing exciting...

Though for some reason, taking that pill every morning makes me excited! In both attempts at TTC, we were able to become pregnant relatively quickly... it was just a matter of keeping the pregnancy -- holding the pregnancy. So, if this beautiful little pill has to be taken 5 times in order to hold the pregnancy, I will take it and do cartwheels at the same time.

Who knows if it will work. The reality of the situation is I have no idea, and I'm very worried and stressed about that aspect. But I'm obviously TTC because we want to have a baby, so I can't let the worry get in my way. It's either we try, or we don't.

I wish it would happen this first cycle. Wishful thinking huh? Yeah. But if you count all the months we've TTC in the past, waited after m/c's, and tried again... it's actually more like a year and a half of combined cycles that we've been trying.

I've been praying so hard everyday. So hard.

Getting excited

I wish I didn't have so much hope for this first Clomid cycle. I know there's nothing that makes me particularly more likely to conceive or hold the pregnancy if we do, but I still have so much hope and excitement right now. In a way I wish I didn't because it just ends up in more disappointment.

Today was my "heavy" day of AF. It sucks. It's always the WORST day of cramps, like, OMG laying on the couch with a heating pad all day kind of cramps. :( So, I'm pretty happy to see today end.

I start my first dose of Clomid on Tuesday. Less than 2 days away!

CD 1

AF showed up today... right "on time." Another 9-day luteal phase. I had silly hopes that this cycle would have a 10-day luteal phase. But sure enough, around 3:00 p.m. she showed up and our first Clomid cycle has officially begun.

I don't begin to take it until CD 5, so 4 more days I will take my first pill. I take it for 5 days. I am nervous for the side effects but plan to take them in the evening to help minimize anything. I also spoke with my doctor and asked about Vitamin B-6. She said she is perfectly fine with me taking 100mg of B-6 each day with my prenatal vitamin (PNV). B-6 *can* naturally lengthen your luteal phase, but the results are less than consistent. It can't hurt though and at this point, I'd like anything that may help.

So I don't suppose there is too much to report at this point but I'll be sure to update once the Clomid begins. At this point, if I have a 28 day cycle (my cycles are normally 28-30 days so I'm only assuming here....) I will likely be testing on March 18th. Hopefully, I will ovulate around March 3-4-5th which would be great timing in my cycle, rather than ovulating late which is what my cycles normally do. I can be hopeful, right? I ordered a bunch of ovulation predictor test strips so they should arrive next week and I can use those, in addition to my temperatures, to time sex appropriately.

Such an exciting time to be TTC again... but also, so very nervewracking and scary! What if it happens again? I'm not sure I could take a 3rd miscarriage and continue on...

::praying hard::

I have LPD

Luteal Phase Defect.

A fairly common problem among women with fertility problems, luteal phase defect (LPD) can impact your fertility by preventing implantation and cause early miscarriages.

What Is It?
During a normal menstrual cycle, the luteal phase will begin after ovulation and last until your period starts. It is during this time that the corpus luteum releases progesterone, getting the endometrial lining ready for implantation. However, women who are affected by LPD are either unable to produce enough progesterone during the luteal phase or the endometrium does not respond appropriately to the progesterone stimulation. The end result is that the endometrial lining is not sufficiently prepared for implantation.

It is difficult to pinpoint one specific cause of LPD. There are many different factors that can affect your menstrual cycle and any one of these can affect the production of progesterone during the luteal phase. For a rare few women, though, LPD will be caused by thyroid problems or hyperprolactinemia. Hyperprolactinemia occurs when there are abnormally high levels of prolactin, the hormone responsible for milk production, in a woman’s system.

(Copied & pasted from http://www.fertilityfactor.com/infertility_luteal_phase_defect)

Because of being so adamant in charting my cycles, I was able to quickly learn and show my doctor that my luteal phase is typically too short (9 days). My doctor was ready and willing to treat my LPD using Clomid, which corrects the corpus luteum, and lengthens my luteal phase (LP). At the time, I was not ready.

Six, seven months later, we're ready! I called my doctor and she's completely on board. She called in my prescription and I will begin next cycle. Wow. It's all happening so fast, but really, it's not. We've been discussing this for a while and it's just finally come to a head.

Friends/family don't know yet. They still think I intend to go to National K9. Believe me when I say, I am not intending to be dishonest with anyone. I am just not ready to share. I will share as soon as we feel ready. With the heartache we've had so far, we are being very cautious. Also, lots of people we know have opinions about decisions we make. It doesn't necessarily mean we CHANGE our minds, but it sure does make the decision-making process a negative one. We are ready to take this step in our lives together, as a couple. We hope our friends and family understand, and we know they will. People may think that we're "only 25" and "have our whole lives ahead of us," but we have wanted this for so many years, and are so excited to TTC again.

We just hope this is the answer to our prayers. Who knows if it will be. Lots of uncertainty and lots of heartache could come from this. We're prepared for that. But you have to have a little optimism to start a new journey, right? Here we go...

My first post

Well, what brought me here? If you know me, you know that I have had a rough few years. Not all of it, but some of it. It started with my first miscarriage in May of 2007. We then tried to get pregnant for several months after that, but were not successful. We took a break, finished college, started careers, and decided in April of 2008 is was time to try again. In August, I became pregnant, but it was very short-lived. I miscarried again.

After miscarriage #2, a lot of thinking happened. What am I supposed to do with my life? My current career was no longer what I wanted. I realized that it wasn't what I was cut out for. I could not see myself doing that for many more years, by any stretch of the imagination. In my heart, all I want to do is be a stay at home mom. But clearly, God didn't have this in his plans -- or eat least right now.

To keep my mind and focus off of it all, I decided to reach for the stars and pursue a new passion of mine -- dogs! Dog training, to be specific. I decided I wanted to attend National K9 and immediately began obsessing over this new dream of mine. It was easy to do. It felt good to stop focusing on the heartache and start focusing on a new plan. We began saving like crazy, and all I could do was think/talk about it! I was very excited.

Well, a few months into all the planning, my heart began to shift again. I think I had just allowed myself ample time to recover/grieve the miscarriage and no longer be so affected by it emotionally. I was able to see babies again, think about starting a family, and dream of THAT dream once more.

Before I knew it, I no longer wanted to attend NK9. The TTC plans were in full swing again. This story is the incredibly shortened version, but basically, after months of discussions with DH as well as prayer and lots of self-discovery, I knew in my heart that this is the path I need to take. I have no idea how it will turn out, but I can only hope that this is finally the right time for us.