So I'm obsessive, but I'm not.

I honestly feel like I'm not obsessing this go 'round. The last time we were TTC, it was all-consuming for me. All I could do was think about becoming pregnant, looking at baby websites, reading baby books, researching baby products, etc. It's all I could talk about with anyone who would listen (usually just family and DH). I had a hard time focusing on anything else!

But this time, I really am not letting it consume me. I'm not sure why. It's not taking much effort to do so. We have a lot going on in other aspects of our life, so it doesn't leave me much time to obsess. I think it's a good thing! We are deep into a landscaping project out front and when it's finished, we'll be even deeper in a BIG landscaping renovation in the backyard. Work is keeping me super busy so there's not much time to relax at all. My sister is pregnant, so I've been spending a lot of time thinking about her, helping her, and talking with my family about her future little one.

Part of me IS obsessive, though. My chart. ::sigh:: I think it's because it's my first time on clomid. I'm really anxious to see how this all pans out. Yes, I will be sad/upset if we don't become pregnant this cycle, but if I'm not, I'll be anxious to at least see how long the clomid made my LP. If it's 11 or12 days I'll be happy! If it's more than that, even happier. I just hope it makes a good difference, because part of my "obsession" is wondering whether it will work or not. I'll feel so much more at ease next cycle if I at least know how the clomid is working for my LP.

I also feel like I might be documenting my EWCM incorrectly. I feel this way because back when we practiced NFP (and only charted CM), we were taught to record ANY amount of fertile mucous on my chart because we were to avoid sex on those days and consider them fertile days, regardless of how much CM there was. So, if I see even the *slightest* bit of EWCM, I record it as "E" on my chart. I'm starting to think that's a bit silly and makes my chart look like I have 100 days of EWCM which is sort of misleading. Just a spec of it on the toilet paper probably isn't enough to consider that day as part of my fertile window. Especially when I have a day like today and yesterday when there is LOADS of it and it is completely and totally clear that I am having fertile mucous. It makes it very obvious that I will likely ovulate soon rather than the spec or two I might have seen a week ago.

I really hope my temp stays up tomorrow. I'm starting to worry that I might still ovulate late. This worries me only because I don't know if my past late ovulations have been the reason for my miscarriages, or if it was the short LP. Both together can't be a good combo. Even if I don't get pregnant this cycle, I would be so happy to see a reasonably normal ovulation with a reasonably-long LP. I would breathe a huge sigh of relief.