Spotting again

Looks the same as yesterday. Only after a bowel movement. I assume all the pressure of the BM pushes those few drops of blood out from my cervix. I inspected all other areas to see if I was bleeding from something else (since it's red) and nothing. I wish I knew what is common for me on Clomid, but since it's my first Clomid cycle, I have no idea if this is common for me or abnormal.

I have started feeling super hopeful today. I don't know why. I hate being hopeful. It just sets me up for major let down and I know that. Logically, I realize that conception is not as easy as we'd hope it would be, but I know we have very good timing and I'm having this mysterious spotting that is causing me to think it could be implantation.

If I were pregnant right now, my due date would be November 29th. For some reason, that just feels good to say. In my last pregnancy, I didn't feel connected at all and wasn't optimistic at all. Physically I didn't feel pregnant, but mentally and emotionally I didn't either. I don't know if that's because I had already been through a m/c and I was naturally pessimistic, or if it's because subconsciously I knew that it wasn't going to end well.

I thought I would feel the same way about TTC this time and becoming pregnant again. Maybe it's the medication that's giving me more hope. Or maybe it's because it might actually end well this time. I wish I knew, of course, how it will all end up, but in the meantime, I truly feel like this may end the way I hope it will.

And now... I'm quite possibly jinxing myself for saying such things.

::knocks on wood::